Sample STEAM Essay Revision

Author’s original draft in black and red. Purple are my initial revisions and comments.

Final revision of the paragraph to suit academic style with correct attribution, flow of language, and concept development

Project Type: Editing and revisions of graduate level academic papers in STEAM
Client: Multiple graduate students
Project date: 2018-Present
Your role: Work one-on-one with clients to develop concepts, outline, draft, and revise academic papers on tight deadlines. Topics have included bibliometrics of scientific collaboration in Chile, library sciences, and animal welfare/behavior (sample).
Project Summary/About this Project: The above sample is a paragraph from a 25 page term paper for the Animal Welfare department at the University of Pennsylvania. The student was returning to school after 40 years in the workforce, struggled with ADHD, and had never written an essay before.
Results: After working together on the first paper of the semester, student’s C+ average rose to an A and steadily remained at an A for the rest of the year. Each essay required less support as she learned my methodology for composition and her presenting her arguments. These results have been typical with many of my students, who often struggle with ESL, learning disabilities, and lack of experience in composition.